


the farm

by margoB



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: A little angst, Alternate Universe, But mostly sweet, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Light Smut, i just love them and wanna treat them right, yeah the wilds is my comfort show, you dont understand im obsessed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margoB/pseuds/margoB
Summary: Toni gets in trouble and has to do community service on Shelby's farm. It all goes downhill from there.good and gay, buckle up!
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 81
Kudos: 832





	1. toni has a debt to pay and shelby is conflicted

**Author's Note:**

> so in the past i've had trouble finishing fics, so i decided i need to stick to shorter works. this is gonna be two chapters total, and the second chapter is already written so no need to worry! pls enjoy (and i live off validation so if u wanna leave some kudos and comments, it'd be much appreciated)!
> 
> also once i was done i did not reread over this even once so im sure there's mistakes but dont prosecute me pls im fragile

The thing about Toni was she got in a lot of trouble. And it wasn’t because she fucked around or enjoyed the chaos that came from acting out or didn’t care enough about anything to stay in line. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She cared so fucking much she didn’t know what to do with it all. Well, that, and the fact that she had been dealt an extremely shitty hand from the very start.

A cruel and uncaring government that had mistreated her ancestors for all of history combined with no-show parents and the subsequent tossing of a fragile soul from foster family to foster family was a surefire way to turn a girl into something meaner. Something that spat and kicked when approached too fast. Something that bit when a hand was held out. 

An angry creature that had every reason to be angry.

But other people didn’t necessarily see it that way. No one could see how hard she tried, that she was basically in a constant battle with that angry creature. It was a part of her, so yeah, she was bound to lose out sometimes. Which was precisely the reason why Toni ended up in the principal’s office for the fourth time in a month.

“You don’t understand,” Toni argued from her seat across from Principal Daniels. “The guys on the football team get away with way too much shit at this school. And today they wouldn’t stop whispering and laughing and I  _ knew _ it was about me. I knew it. It  _ always _ is.”

Principal Daniels sighed, folding his hands together on top of the large desk that stood between them, creating a palpable distance of authority. “Toni, I hate to ask, but are you sure they were making fun of you? Could it not have been someone else?”

Toni’s eyebrows pulled together immediately. “As if that would be better? If they were making fun of some other person?” She waited for an answer that wouldn’t come before scoffing, “No, it was definitely about me. I heard them use some real fucking choice words about who I am. Where I come from.”

“So you decided to get revenge? You thought that would be the best course of action?”

Adults loved asking Toni questions they already knew the answers to. She slumped in her chair, defeated. “You already know what happened, so why are you even asking?”

Mr. Daniels had the decency to look apologetic, but it didn’t really matter. He was going to punish her even though Andrew and his dumbass friends only got what they deserved. “Andrew recounted the events for me, but he obviously only has one side of the story. Believe it or not I want to hear the full account before I decide what to do. I’m not out to get you, Toni.”

He was, though. Toni knew it. Everyone was against her. Besides Marty, but even she couldn’t help her out right now. 

“Okay, fine. Instead of beating their asses right there in the hallway, I waited until after school, when I knew Andrew would be at practice.” 

Mr. Daniels waited expectantly, knowing that wasn’t the end of the story.

Toni threw her hands up in the air. “Fine. And I keyed his truck.” Flinching, Toni remembered what happened next unwillingly. Andrew coming out from underneath the bleachers, obviously ditching practice. His eyes locking with her own. Pupils dilated to an unnatural degree. The anger there was something else. It was privileged. It was dangerous.

Normally Toni would have stood her ground, fighting tooth and nail even in a losing battle (though to some extent, however irrational the thought, Toni thought she could take the boy), but something hadn’t been right. And she had run away. She hated thinking about it, the hard slap of her sneakers against the pavement, the panicked breaths puffing erratically from her open mouth. 

Again, Mr. Daniels sighed, bringing Toni back into herself. Apparently that was his answer for everything. “Unfortunately, Toni, if it had actually been Andrew’s truck that you messed with, I might have been inclined to be lenient with you. Seeing that it’s actually Ms. Goodkind’s truck, I can’t let you off on this one.”

Oh my god. Toni must have misheard. “Wait, what are you talking about?” She couldn’t believe it. There was just no way. No way her luck would be that fucking bad.

“It appears that Andrew borrowed Ms. Goodkind’s truck, seeing that he crashed his own. Not that that part matters,” Mr. Daniels answered calmly. 

Toni kind of did think that part mattered but she wasn’t about to argue with him now. Not when she just found out that she ruined Shelby Goodkind’s truck. Pageant queen with a stick up her ass. Or, that wasn’t even right, was it? Couldn’t have anything up anywhere until she was good and married. Or was it true that anal was god’s blindspot? 

Toni shook her head, not wanting to delve too deeply into Shelby’s sexual psyche. And regardless, surely Toni was in deep shit now. 

For the first time since entering the office, Toni’s voice got quiet. Because, yeah, she got loud when she was angry, she flailed her arms just trying to hit something, anything. She gnashed her teeth and tensed her muscles for a fight because her environment had shown her that she had to be hard or she would be broken. But when she was scared, when she was heartbreakingly terrified of being dealt one last terrible card that might finally make her fold, Toni Shalifoe got quiet. 

And with nothing more than a broken whisper to her name, Toni asked “So what’s gonna happen to me? Am I gonna get sent away or something? I can’t pay for it. I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know.” And Toni hated herself for pleading with someone who didn’t care about her wellbeing, but what else could she do? Her foster family wouldn’t be able to help her out, and if she got moved again, she might not get to see Marty anymore. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the armrests of her chair and without realizing, Toni began to rock back and forth just slightly.

Luckily, Mr. Daniels put her out of her misery quickly. It was the least he could do. “Toni, hey. It’s going to be okay.” His tone was only slightly more convincing than his words. Like he was trying extra hard to reassure Toni before dropping a bomb. When he continued, the reason became ever more clear. “Apparently, Shelby convinced her parents to let you pay off the cost of the car by working on their farm.”

Toni stopped rocking. Unclenched her jaw. Released her death grip on the chair. She wasn’t going to be sent away. She had been thrown a lifeline. Of sorts. By none other than Shelby fucking Goodkind. 

A scream threatened to rip its way from Toni’s throat and she couldn’t even begin to fathom whether it was out of relief or anger or frustration or something else entirely. Because of course, of  _ fucking _ course, she would end up in debt to one of the people she hated most in this hellhole of a town. 

///

Thus, it was settled. After school on Fridays, as well as most of the day on Saturdays and after church on Sundays, Toni was to report to the Goodkind’s farm and help out wherever needed. And while she didn’t have the strength to not be pissed about it, Toni mostly understood that this was better than any alternative that could’ve come from the situation. 

Still. Working with Shelby? It had to be some kind of sick joke by something out there in the universe. Not god, though. Toni wasn’t the type to blame her struggles on a god whose pronouns were He/Him with a capital H. It wasn’t her style. Because to blame it was to acknowledge its existence. To rely on it in some way. 

So nah, Toni was a girl of her own making. Like, even though she knew her actions to be justified, she could still recognize she got herself into this mess, and she had to be the one to get herself out. She had to get out. Eventually. 

Eventually Toni would get away from this place. Preferably with Marty. To somewhere warm or cold or a mix of both. The details didn’t really matter. As long as it was somewhere she could be herself. Somewhere untouched by all the hardships that had plagued her short life here. A place that felt like home, in the way that a home should feel. 

Those were the sole thoughts that occupied Toni’s head as she walked up the long gravel driveway that wound its way to the Goodkind house. She did have to admit the property was kind of cool in a ranchy, smalltown sort of way. 

It must have covered several acres, consisting of grassy fields, pens for various animals (though Toni couldn’t spot any just yet), and even some vegetable patches. It was all so far out of Toni’s wheelhouse that she couldn’t imagine how much use she could be to the place. 

Regardless, it was a nice day, the Friday before a long weekend, too. Toni could do this. She could do anything, and if she couldn’t, she would front like she could. See, when no one else had ever believed in you, you were kinda forced to believe in yourself. Even when it wasn’t real. Even when it was hard.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” A voice sounded from behind Toni, making her jump.

“Fuck, you can’t sneak up on me like that,” Toni snapped as she whipped around to face Shelby. 

For her part, Shelby stood with her head cocked to the side, hands on her hips. Smirking, too. Of course. The nerve. “Well, I hardly snuck up on you. I was standing there for a few minutes, watching you take it all in.”

Toni huffed. “Cool. Starting off this nightmare nice and creepy. Thank you for that.”

And Shelby just smiled. “You’re welcome. Now, why don’t you put your bag over by the fence, seein’ as that’s our first task while you’re here.” Straight to business. Okay. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad.

Toni glanced at the fence in question. It ran around a square plot of land that probably housed goats or sheep or something (not like Toni was interested) and was painted an off-white color that had sort of faded if you looked close enough. A few of the beams were deteriorating, rotted and roughed up. Toni could see why the thing needed some work.

As she walked over to the fence, Shelby tailing behind her, Toni spoke up, “I’m not much of a handyman, by the way. You’re gonna have to show me what to do.” Toni found she was glad she wasn’t facing the other girl, as once again, she became aware that she was relying on her. Toni needed help to get herself through this, no matter how much she loathed to admit it. 

“That’s alright,” Shelby drawled. “You’re quite the handy _ woman _ from what I hear, so I’m sure you’ll pick this stuff up just fine.”

Toni almost choked on her own spit. “ _ What? _ ”

Shelby leaned against the fence, clueless to her own innuendo. “Basketball. You play basketball, don’t ya?”

Toni had to laugh. “Jesus, Shelby. Yeah, I do. But I don’t really think those skills are gonna translate to this.” She knocked on the wood of the enclosure, looking for something to do with her hands. 

“Well, you never know,” Shelby said, kneeling by a big bag of tools and other materials, prepping what they needed for the day. Once everything was laid out, Shelby continued, gesturing with her hands as she went. “So luckily, the posts have held up fine and we just need to replace the damaged boards. That woodpile behind you has the replacements, all cut to size already.” 

As Shelby went on explaining the process, Toni did her best to listen, despite the fact that Shelby kept turning this way and that, flipping her ponytail and pointing with nails that seemed too manicured for this type of work. Thankfully, the job appeared to be mostly straightforward and the two girls got to work. 

Toni was shocked that Shelby wasn’t making a bigger fuss out of the whole situation, really. After all, it was a little off brand of the perky girl to not have made a few more comments about how this whole thing was God teaching Toni a lesson and that fate brought them together to do honest work for a devout family or some bullshit like that. Toni wasn’t going to complain about the silence though. It was welcome. 

And it also didn’t last long. At all. Apparently Shelby only cared to be quiet long enough to get in the groove of work and to let Toni get acquainted with the process before running her mouth off like usual. 

“Now doesn’t it feel good to be doing something helpful? To be creating instead of destroying?” Shelby asked while pulling rusty nails from one of the boards.

Toni grunted, “I knew this was coming. I knew you were gonna be all snarky about this.”

“I don’t think I’m being snarky. I’m just pointing out that this seems a fitting punishment. You destroyed my truck--”

“I didn’t  _ destroy _ it, I just--”

“And to make up for it you get to build something beautiful,” Shelby finished. “There’s something poetic about that.”

Toni just huffed in response, trying not to let Shelby get a rise out of her. It was just a job. Toni had surely worked worse jobs than this. 

“How’d you get here, anyway? Did you walk?” Shelby piped up again.

Through gritted teeth Toni answered, “Yeah, I walked. Not everyone is gifted a nice, shiny car on their sweet sixteen.” 

“The truck wasn’t a gift, I had to work for it. And I was just wondering because next Friday I can give you a ride if you like? So you don’t have to walk?”

“And spend even more time with you? I think I’m good.” Toni could feel Shelby’s eyes on the side of her face, so she lowered her hand from where it was about to hammer a nail into a fresh piece of wood and turned to Shelby. “ _ What _ ?”

Shelby flicked her eyes back and forth between Toni’s, voice turning a little sharper. “I guess I just don’t really get why you hate me so much. You’ve always had this obvious disdain for me. It’s been clear in every class we’ve had together and every time we pass each other in the halls. What’d I do?” 

And Toni almost felt bad. Shelby looked like she genuinely wanted to know, like she wanted to change it or fix it. But some wounds ran too deep. And some of Toni’s wounds were inflicted so long ago that it didn’t matter who caused them at this point. “I’m allowed to be wary of bible-thumpers. Especially because your boyfriend has chosen to torment me on multiple occasions.”

Shelby’s eyebrows furrowed. “What are you talking about? Andrew wouldn’t do anything like that.” 

At the disbelief in Shelby’s eyes, a burning feeling ignited in Toni’s stomach. The same feeling that landed her here in the first place. “Do you think I tried to key his car for no reason? Fuck, Shelby, I know you aren’t that dumb.”

And finally Toni’s words were beginning to affect the other girl, as Shelby’s nostrils flared and she dropped her tools into the grass. “All I know is that Andrew tries to be a good,  _ Christian _ boy and that  _ you _ have a penchant for getting into trouble. Forgive me for trying to help you.”

Toni clenched her jaw. The nerve of this fucking girl. Acting like helping poor little Toni was something she could put on her resume to present to god if she ever got to heaven. Acting like Andrew wasn’t a piece of shit. Acting like they both didn’t deserve a little better than pretending. 

Trying to push through the fire that was rising into Toni’s throat now, she lined up the nail once more and raised the hammer to strike. “Well maybe you should keep a closer eye on your good little Christian boy and see what he’s actually like. If you don’t realize who he is by now you must be trying to fool yourself into some illusion of perfection.”

Just as Toni went to strike the nail with the hammerhead, she saw a flash of something in Shelby’s eyes. Something like hurt. Something like fear. Toni had seen it in her own reflection much too often not to recognize it for what it was. 

And, it just so happened to be enough of a distraction for Toni to lose the alignment of her swing, for the hammer’s impact to ring through Toni’s thumb instead of the nail. “FUCK!” Toni yelped, cradling the injured thumb in her other hand.

Shelby scrambled over to her. “Oh shit, Toni. Are you okay? Let me take a look,” she said, reaching for Toni’s hand. 

But Toni was backed into a corner. She was hurt. She had lost focus and as a result, she fucked up. It always went like this, didn’t it? Couldn’t she ever catch a fucking break? 

No, she couldn’t take the look in Shelby’s eyes, the idea that maybe someone actually wanted to help. The idea that someone wanted to take care of her, even just a little bit, over a stupid smashed finger. So instead, she let the fire crawl its way out of her body. Releasing everything that had built up in the past few days. Andrew’s dangerous looks. The snickers of the other boys. Shelby Goodkind’s piercing fucking eyes.

“Get the fuck away from me, Shelby! And don’t fucking look at me like that!”

“Toni, I just--”

“Just what? Need to prove to god that you did your part? Tried to save me from myself or whatever the fuck you think my problem is? Fuck that, Shelby. I don’t need this. I don’t need anyone’s help.” And with that, Toni grabbed her bag, slinging it over the shoulder opposite her injured hand and stomped away. All the way down the gravel driveway, back onto the street that would eventually lead to her own rundown part of town. 

///

That night, simply put, Toni felt like shit. Her foster parents were out, god knows where, but at least it meant the house was quiet.

Truthfully, she couldn’t stop thinking about Shelby. The way that the girl had instinctively reached out for Toni when she was hurt. She could count on one or two fingers (Marty B and Mrs. B, of course) the amount of people in her life that had ever come to her aid like that. Without asking. Like it was easy. 

It also didn’t help that after laying on her bed and staring at the ceiling for the better part of an hour, Toni checked her phone only to find a text from an unsaved number.  _ Be sure to ice it. Probably just needs a little TLC - S. _ Who the fuck said things like TLC in real life? Who the fuck would reach out after being lunged at by her own snapping jaws?

Toni traced the shape of the  _ S _ with her eyes until it didn’t look like a letter at all. Just a thing with soft edges. Rounded in the places where Toni was used to sharp. 

Fuck. Toni picked up her phone, conflicted over whether or not she should text Shelby back. After typing out a few unsuccessful drafts, Toni decided to dial the only number she knew by heart instead.

“Hey, Toni,” Martha picked up after only one ring. Toni could picture her friend in her cozy room, doing homework or scrolling through Instagram on her bed that still had the same sheets from childhood. It was a comforting image. 

“Hey, Marty, what’s up?” Toni tried to keep her voice light. She didn’t want any digging or prying at the moment. 

There was some shuffling on the other side of the line. “Nothin’ much, just finishing up some school stuff,'' Martha replied, probably gathering her assignments together. She was always on top of her schoolwork. Toni wished she could say the same. “Oh, wait! How was your first day? I’m sorry, I totally spaced.”

Toni laughed at the girl’s concerned tone. “Don’t even worry about it. It was okay.” And Toni should’ve known that wasn’t answer enough, especially because Martha knew her so well. 

“Just okay?” Martha’s tone was soft, giving Toni space to answer but enough room to retreat as well, if that's what she needed. 

Clearing her throat, Toni shifted onto her side and lifted her swollen thumb into her line of sight. The knuckle was a mix of pink and purple and blue and red, an ugly and violent color that had stained Toni’s skin many times before. An accident, sure. But of her own making. “I smashed my fucking thumb with a hammer. Shelby, she- she fucking distracted me and I lost focus and missed the nail.”

Martha let out a sympathetic whoosh of air. “Jeez, Toni. You okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, it hurts a little, but it’s not that bad.” Toni went quiet.

“Is there something else bothering you, then?” Martha was always intuitive when it came to Toni. Sometimes it was too much. But mostly it felt good that someone could read her. That someone knew her well enough to care.

“It’s just. It’s fucking Shelby. She’s infuriating, man. I don’t know if I can do this.” Again, Shelby’s eyes flashed in Toni’s mind. Something about them. It lingered. It asked. It wanted. Something something something

“Toni… I know she’s not exactly your vibe, but if Shelby hadn’t come up with this farmwork plan, her parents would have pressed charges.” The silence hung heavy at the admission.

Toni sat up in her bed, fully on edge now. “Wait, how do you know that?” 

Martha sighed, “Shelby told me. We have math together.”

“Well she’s probably lying,” Toni snapped. “Probably wants to make it seem like she’s doing me a bigger service than she actually is.”

“My mom has met her parents. They’re really intense, Toni. I think it’s true. That would mean you’d have something on your record. It could mess up scholarships and ruin your chances of college.” When Toni stayed quiet, listening intently, Martha continued, “Look, I know it’s not ideal. I know that. And I’m sorry you’re in this position in the first place. But in comparison, I would try to look at this situation as a pretty good deal. I think she was just trying to help, honestly.”

The urge to snap at Martha for taking Shelby’s side over her own made Toni’s hands clench into fists, and in effect, her thumb throbbed. But, the shock of it actually helped in a way. Helped the fire dull into a low burn, just a few crackling embers at the bottom of a firepit, which was the best she could ever hope for, really. “I mean, I wish you guys wouldn’t talk about me behind my back--”

“Toni, it’s not like--”

“ _ But _ . You’re right. At least about the scholarships. I can’t have anything messing up our great escape, now can I?” And Toni’s mouth curled up at the corner when Martha laughed in response. 

After talking a while longer about nothing in particular (Toni and Martha’s favorite), the girls hung up and Toni was left staring at the message from Shelby once more. 

She probably wouldn’t be able to get much manual labor done with a fucked up thumb, so maybe a little bit of  _ TLC _ wouldn’t hurt. 

Toni made her way out of her small bedroom and down the dark hallway to the cramped little kitchen. Still cradling her bad hand close to her body, Toni pulled the freezer door open with her other arm, hoping for a bag of peas to bring the throbbing down enough to fall asleep. 

But, looking inside, Toni found the freezer completely empty. No food, no ice, nothing. Her foster parents must have forgotten to go grocery shopping this week. Or more likely, they didn’t have the money for it.

It had happened before, so it wasn’t like Toni was shocked. It was just one more thing she couldn’t really fix. One more thing to add weight onto her shoulders. She was tired of carrying it all. And she was angry that she ever had to in the first place. 

Clenching her jaw and taking a deep breath, Toni grabbed a couple of ibuprofen from her basketball bag, popped them in her mouth and choked them down before curling up on top of her sheets, praying for sleep to come quickly. 

She felt small, laying there in the dark. The leftover warmth from her conversation with Martha left her body too quickly, not to mention the empty fridge had acted as a harsh wake up call. She really was on her own, and if she wanted any chance of getting away, she had to keep herself in check. 

It was a stressful thought.

Toni clenched her eyes shut until she saw swirling shapes behind her eyelids. The swirls morphed and congealed, moving this way and that, until at last they transformed into big, fluffy sheep jumping over a newly repaired fence, the last thing Toni remembered before falling asleep.

///

The next morning, Toni reported for duty back at the Goodkind’s farm. It took a lot out of the girl to swallow her pride and make her way up the long gravel drive once more, but she knew it was necessary. She didn’t have a lot of options. She never really had.

When Toni made it to the fence, Shelby was on her knees, hammering a board into place. Since Shelby was distracted, not having noticed Toni just yet, Toni took a moment to observe. She didn’t know what possessed her to stand there, taking her in, but it was like she was frozen. Held in place by some natural force. Like gravity maybe. Just maybe. 

Shelby’s hair was tied back out of her face and a light sheen of sweat gleamed on the back of her neck. How long had she been out here? 

It was still early, but the sun was coming down full force, illuminating Shelby’s honey golden hair, the flyaways that had come loose forming a sort of halo around her head. And for just the quickest moment, so quick she would deny it if asked, Toni thought that maybe she could understand what people saw in the whole religion thing. 

Without turning around, Shelby spoke up, “Weren’t you calling  _ me _ a creep yesterday for watching  _ you _ ?”

Instantly Toni snapped out of her stupor and became defensive, the tendons in her neck flexing, but when Shelby turned around there was only a light smile on her face. She was joking. She wasn’t mad. She wasn’t holding Toni’s behavior from the day before against the girl. 

Toni didn’t understand Shelby. Not one bit. “Um, yeah. I guess I’m just following your lead, then.”

Shelby laughed and stood up, brushing the dirt and loose grass off her knees. Then, for a moment she just looked at Toni, like she was trying to read her. Toni found it difficult to meet her gaze. 

“You know, I wasn’t sure if you were gonna come back,” Shelby said, a small smile gracing her lips. 

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.” 

It felt too simple to Toni. The readiness to forgive. To accept. To move forward. She didn’t really know what to think of it. Luckily, Shelby seemed ready to get to work, so Toni didn’t have to. 

For whatever reason, Shelby had finished replacing the boards, the one she was working on when Toni arrived having been the last of them, so the next step was a fresh paint job. 

“This part should be pretty easy,” Shelby said, handing Toni a bucket of paint and a wiry brush. “Maybe even fun.”

Toni sort of doubted that last part. But she kept her mouth shut for now, still feeling in some way like she owed it to Shelby to be better today. 

One more debt to the girl. Perfect. 

They got to work in silence, deciding to start side by side and make their way around the enclosure in opposite directions, eventually meeting back up on the other side. Despite her great attempts to solely focus on the task at hand, once more Toni had the impulse to glance over at Shelby every once in a while. To watch her effortless movements with the brush, the careful flicks of her wrist. The way she didn’t seem to notice the flecks of paint splattering onto her clothes.

The more Toni watched, the more perplexed she became. Shelby seemed different here. Away from the confines of the school hallways. Away from Andrew and the other members of her exclusive little circle. More relaxed. 

Comfortable. 

When Toni brought her eyes back up from Shelby’s delicate hand around the paintbrush, Shelby was staring back. They both looked away quickly. 

After an hour or so, the two girls were close together again, finishing up the last leg of the paint job. The silence, which had felt comfortable before, seemed to grow louder and more pressing now. Toni wished Shelby would fill it, but the other girl seemed content just working. 

“So how early do you start every day?” Toni asked, gliding her brush along one of the faded posts. 

Shelby raised her eyebrows, like she was surprised Toni was making conversation voluntarily. 

“Mm, I try to get up with the sun. That way I can get everything done on the earlier side, give myself free time later in the day.”

Toni let out a breath. “Jeez. That’s early.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Just feels easier to be productive in the mornings. And then I can be social or spend time with family in the afternoon and evenin’.”

Toni realized something, then. “Where is your family, anyway?”

Shelby wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand and squinted at Toni, the sun in her eyes. “Daddy is probably at the church, he works out of there most days. And my mom is with my brother and sister at my brother’s soccer game.” She glanced down at Toni’s hand. “Hey, did you end up icing that last night?”

Toni tried flexing her thumb and winced. “Um, nah. I didn’t.”

“If you don’t have ice packs a bag of peas or corn works just fine.” Shelby was just trying to help, but it only reminded Toni of the empty freezer at home.

She clenched her jaw. “I know that.” And before Shelby could make any sort of comment, Toni continued, “I took a couple of aspirin. It’ll be fine.” 

Shelby looked down at Toni’s thumb again. “When’s your next game?”

“Wednesday, why?”

“You really should get some ice on that. So the swelling will go down in time. It looks pretty roughed up, Toni.”

Toni sighed. She hated being told what to do, even when it was put nicely, even when it was right or something good for her. But she just couldn’t deal with that fucking look in Shelby’s eyes. It was simultaneously understanding and misunderstanding. Did she not get that even a simple bag of peas wasn’t something that Toni could guarantee on finding in her house? That not everything came so fucking easy?

The embers crackled. The flames wanted to suck the oxygen out of Toni’s throat, to expand, to take over.

“Toni? You okay?”

She hadn’t realized she had closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath she answered, “I’m fine. And my thumb is fine. I just couldn’t find anything to ice it with last night. That’s all.” If she looked in Shelby’s eyes, she knew she would see pity. So Toni didn’t look.

“Okay,” Shelby said, voice too soft, “How about after this we take a break? I’ll grab us some snacks and we can take a minute before we get to the horses.” 

Jesus. Horses? Figured that Shelby would be a horse girl.

“Sure. Whatever,” Toni said. But her stomach growled in agreement. 

///

Toni hadn’t ever been around horses. To her, horses were a white people thing. Like, who in their right mind would approach something that oddly large and muscular? For fun? 

No, that wasn’t really Toni’s thing. And it wasn’t necessarily like she’d had many chances anyway. There had been a field trip to a farm once, where they would be able to milk goats and pet various animals and learn how it all worked. But Toni hadn’t been able to go. 

Now, Shelby laughed, watching as Toni approached a horse she had so lovingly been calling ‘Horse,’ even after Shelby told her its name was Betsy. “I didn’t expect this from you, I gotta admit.”

After Shelby had retrieved a couple of granola bars for them (and had graciously put up with Toni’s taunts about how granola bars were such a  _ healthy white family thing _ ), she had led them to the small stable around the side of the property. There, she had explained that the horses needed to be brushed but that they needed to get used to Toni’s presence first. Hence the reason Toni was inching forward, good hand outstretched towards Betsy, gingerly holding a carrot. 

“Didn’t expect what?” Toni snapped, the tip of the carrot only a couple of inches away from Betsy’s mouth.

Shelby’s smirk was evident in her voice. “For you to be so… timid.” 

“I’m not  _ timid _ ,” Toni mocked. “I’ve just never been this close to a fucking beast before.”

Shelby laughed again, stroking the head of the other, older horse. “Beast? Really?” 

And something about the way Shelby was about doubled over in laughter made Toni want to keep it up. Just to keep the peace, she thought. Not because the way Shelby’s nose crinkled was kind of cute or the fact that her melodic laugh lit up the room somehow. No, not that. “Well, yeah. Look how fuckin’ huge these things are. Evolution went wrong somewhere, I think. There’s just no reason for this.”

At last, Toni had gotten close enough for Betsy to start munching on the carrot. Her shoulders remained tense, but after a few moments, she relaxed, finally realizing that the horse wasn’t going to bite her. In fact, there was something kind of mesmerizing about the creature, so gentle despite its size and power. 

Toni had read a book when she was stuck in the library while her class went on the field trip to the farm all those years ago. The book talked about horses and how they could be incredibly skittish in new environments and around people they weren’t comfortable with just yet. That they could be incredibly reactive to unexpected stimuli, and once they were scared, it was hard to calm them down. 

Those passages had stuck with Toni. Even still. She wasn’t quite sure why. 

“Huh,” Shelby said, watching Toni interacting with Betsy. 

“What?”

“It’s just, Betsy’s actually not much of a people person. Like, with food she’s okay. But apart from that…”

Toni furrowed her brow. Shelby must’ve been on something. She watched the way Betsy pushed into her hand now, wanting Toni to stroke over her snout. 

“Are you sure? Seems pretty chill to me.”

Shelby came closer, brushing against Toni’s side and reaching her hand up to pet Betsy’s cheek. “Yeah, she actually doesn’t even like my parents all that much. Gets nervous when they come around. Mostly my dad. She’s a little better around my mom but not by much.”

Hmm. It was sort of unexpected. After all, Toni had never been an animal person, and not just because she had never been allowed any or had a chance to do something like this, but also because animals took care. They took time and finesse and resources and love, and Toni never felt too adept at giving those things up all that easily.

And then, she wasn’t sure what came over herself exactly, but without turning to look at Shelby, knowing she would be too close if they were facing each other, Toni asked, “What about Andrew?”

A moment of silence. A furrowed brow. “What about him?” Shelby’s tone was so careful. Calculating. It was as if Toni had struck a nerve that she wasn’t really aware Shelby had. One that maybe Shelby herself wasn’t aware of. 

Toni pushed on, her curiosity getting the better of her. Her pride, too, just a little. “I mean, what does Betsy think of him?” 

“Does it matter?” Shelby gritted the question through her teeth. 

The speed with which Shelby forced the question from her lips almost made Toni recoil. The tone was familiar, too. Toni had heard it come from her own mouth more times than she could count, usually when someone in her life (someone  _ important _ , she wanted to think) pressed her too hard, too fast. When they tried to get something out of her that she wasn’t yet ready to give. 

And maybe the air in the stable was getting to Toni or maybe it was something about Shelby’s floral and sweet perfume, because she backed down. She let it go. “Guess not,” Toni said. Adding a quiet  _ sorry _ for good measure while scratching behind Betsy’s ear. 

The silence grew tense, and Toni realized she had ruined whatever peace had grown between herself and Shelby. She wanted to say more, to clear the thick, low-lying air that had settled in the space. To say that she only asked because it felt good to  _ have _ something and to be  _ good _ at something for once, but also that it was oddly comforting to think about the fact that if it was only Toni and Shelby who were good with this horse (a fucking horse of all things), then that meant they had something together. And maybe they weren’t so different after all. But Toni didn’t know how to say all of that. Or any of it really. 

Usually when Toni tried to string so many words together at once they came out harsher than intended. Like putting everything out there when she didn’t know the least bit how it would be received meant she may as well sabotage the thoughts before they could make it far. 

To her surprise, Shelby broke the silence. Quietly, but still. “Betsy hates him. Like  _ hates  _ him.”

Not knowing how to reply, as Toni didn’t have much experience in comforting people, Toni said, “I’m sure it’s not so bad.” She didn’t know, of course, but that’s what girls wanted to hear, right? That their terrible boyfriends weren’t actually so terrible? That there must be some redeeming quality inside him? Something that made him worth Shelby’s time?

“No,” Shelby said, seeming to answer the questions ricocheting around Toni’s skull with that one word. “No, it is that bad. He can’t even come in here, let alone get close to her. Not that he likes helping with this stuff anyway.”

Oh. “Oh,” Toni began, clearing her throat. “I-I’m sorry. That sucks.” 

Shelby scoffed, turning to look at Toni for the first time since the conversation had begun. “Are you actually sorry, though? You hate him.” 

Toni dropped her hand from Betsy’s head and turned to meet Shelby’s gaze. As she had previously guessed, the girls were close together, so close that Toni thought she could maybe feel Shelby’s uncertain breaths on her face. So close that the slight height advantage that Shelby had on Toni became apparent. In the back of her mind it annoyed her, but she didn’t have it in her to make a fuss about it. 

Because that look in Shelby’s eye was back from the day before. It was the same look that had made Toni lose her grip and recklessly swing that hammer. The only times Toni had seen it in Shelby’s green eyes was when they were alone like this, like maybe it was something she kept hidden around the rest of the world. So Toni had to wonder, what was so fucking special about these moments between them? Did Toni get under Shelby’s skin to such an intense degree that the carefully crafted persona she donned around her boyfriend and her friends and maybe even her family couldn’t withstand it? Did Shelby want to lose control?

Toni sighed, “Yeah, maybe I do hate him, and I think I have good reason for that, even if you don’t believe me. But being here and helping you with this shit? It’s not so bad, and we’re not even close. We don’t even like each other. So if it’s bearable for me despite everything that got me here, I  _ am _ sorry that for whatever reason your own boyfriend doesn’t want to lend you a hand.” 

The air between them was tight with tension. So tight it felt like a solid presence, something tangible, visceral,  _ alive _ .

Shelby just stared, body tense, eyes like a live wire. Toni’s body hummed with electricity in response, shoulders tight, almost wanting Shelby to throw something back at her. But a moment later, all the fight visibly left Shelby’s body, leaving her more sunken than Toni had ever seen her. Again, it was as if she was getting a look behind the curtain. 

“Yeah,” Shelby said, turning towards Betsy again. “I’m sorry, too."

“For what?” Toni asked, because for the life of her, she couldn’t imagine what Shelby would be apologizing for. And even though Shelby wasn’t looking at Toni anymore, the shorter girl couldn’t seem to look away. The curve of her neck, her jawline, following the slope of her nose to Shelby’s full lips.

Fuck. 

“Well I talked to Andrew yesterday, and he admitted that he and his friends had been pickin’ on you. Some of the things he said… I’m just--I’m sorry.” And Shelby shook her head, releasing a puff of air that was perhaps supposed to be a laugh.

Confused by the admission and by how genuinely pained Shelby sounded by it all, Toni didn’t know what to say. It was so unbelievably different than anything Toni expected. Shelby was different, maybe. 

“Um, thanks. For saying that. I mean, it’d be nice to get an apology from  _ him _ , but I figure that’ll never happen, so thank you,” Toni joked, and when it got a small smile to pull at the corner of Shelby’s lips, she was happy she did. 

Silence, and then ever so quietly, Shelby said, “Y’know, sometimes I feel like I don’t know him at all. More and more recently, it seems. Like, when he’s playin’ around with my siblings or makin’ my parents laugh, it feels right. Or, it feels the way it should feel, I think. The way it’s supposed to be.”

It sounded like Shelby wanted to say more, so Toni just waited patiently, letting her do it on her own time. And she did. 

“I can see everything in those moments. The way it would play out. How everyone would react if we got into the same college and how happy my parents would be if he and I got married somewhere down the line and how badly they want to be grandparents. And of course, Andrew would be absolutely ecstatic if I finally let him touch me. All of that, it makes sense. It’s been the trajectory of my life since I was born basically…” Shelby seemed to realize everything she said in an instant, looking down and away as her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. 

Toni didn’t try to meet Shelby’s eyes, just in case it made it more difficult for her. “But?”

“But what?” Shelby returned, putting more space between them as she grabbed the brushes from a table in the corner. 

“Oh, sorry. It’s just--”

“Just what?”

“Well all of those things you’re thinking about have nothing to do with you,” and it came out blunt, but Toni’s tone was softer than it had possibly ever been.

“What do you mean? They have everything to do with me. It’s my life,” Shelby forced a laugh that wasn’t very convincing.

“I just mean that none of those things you listed were about how  _ you _ feel or what  _ you _ want. It’s like you’re thinking about your life through the people around you. Planning it out based on what’s gonna make other people happy instead of yourself.”

At Toni’s words, Shelby froze, and Toni desperately hoped she hadn’t crossed a line. She wanted to reach out to the girl, but it seemed like too much at once, especially because Shelby sort of had that look of someone just barely holding themselves together, but the minute someone were to ask if they’re okay, they break. Toni didn’t want to break Shelby. 

Finally, Shelby met Toni’s gaze. “You might be right. I don’t really know. I’ve never really thought about it like that.”  _ Or at all _ , Shelby seemed to say.

And with that, the conversation came to an end, neither girl having the energy to push much more than that. They spent the rest of the afternoon making light conversation about nothing in particular as they brushed over Betsy’s coat. 


	2. finding something good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the girls get closer and something about it feels good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's part two! enjoy!

After that day, something changed between Toni and Shelby.

It was small and delicate and almost unnoticeable. But it was there. 

For one, they fought less, though to be clear it wasn’t like it stopped completely. It was less consuming, though. Sometimes it was even teasing, light.

Fun. 

Toni couldn’t really believe it, but she began to enjoy her time spent on the farm. Looked forward to it, even. Not only did it feel good to work with her hands, but it was also nice working next to Shelby. 

Getting to see that other side of her, well, Toni was realizing it was quite the privilege. One perhaps reserved only for herself.

As they were collecting eggs from the chicken coop a couple of weekends later, Toni decided to ask Shelby about it since the thought had been nagging at her ever since Shelby opened up about Andrew. Truthfully, Toni had been having trouble keeping her mind off of Shelby in general, but that was besides the point.

“Can I ask you something?” Toni broke the comfortable silence they had been working in, reaching under one of the hens to grab a few eggs. It was easier this way, not having to look into Shelby’s eyes. More and more Toni found she couldn’t form her thoughts as eloquently while those eyes were staring back at her. 

“Isn’t that what you just did?” Shelby joked back.

“Shut up,” Toni said, but she was smiling. 

And fuck if it wasn’t getting a little too easy.

“I’m just wondering why you’re so different here,” Toni started.

“How do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You seem more at ease here. I know we don’t talk at school, but when I see you there, it feels different to the way I see you here. Sorry,” Toni laughed, “None of this is coming out right.”

But this time Shelby wasn’t laughing. A line formed between her eyebrows and her lips were pursed into a thin line. She took a purposeful step towards Toni. “I’m not different here, Toni. I know  _ exactly _ who I am, and if you think I’m acting differently around you then it’s because you never gave me a chance before. You just jumped to your own conclusions, just like everyone else does.”

“Wait, hold on that’s not--” Toni wanted to take it back, feeling the delicate peace that had formed between them begin to crumble.

“Ever think that maybe I seem off when I’m around you because I’m afraid you’ll blow up on me the way you blow up at everything else in your life? Forgive me for not wanting you to frickin’ key up my car again.”

Toni hardened. So this was how it had to be between them. Whatever sense of belonging she had started to feel around the other girl was gone, replaced with the same coldness she felt for most of the people in her life that had let her down, so most people really.

How could Shelby accuse her of making assumptions, then turn around and do the exact same thing? Fuck that.

“Y’know what, Shelby? Fuck this. I was just trying to say that you seem more comfortable with yourself here, like you’re finally able to fucking breathe. If you wanna take that as an insult and come at me about my own shitty life, fine, but I’m not just gonna sit here and let you throw me around like every single other person in my life has. I don’t need this.” And Toni stormed out.

If she had looked back, she would’ve seen Shelby’s face fall, along with a sharp desire to turn back the time just a few minutes, back to the tentative friendship that had been growing slowly but steadily the past couple of weeks. But Toni didn’t turn around. 

///

Back at home, Toni laid face down on her bed, tempted to scream into her pillow. Shelby was just so fucking infuriating.

Like, Toni understood how her words could’ve been taken in the wrong way, as if Toni was criticizing Shelby’s behavior, but that genuinely wasn’t how she meant it. Toni knew what it was like to adapt to your environment, to change the way you acted based on who you had to be around. She knew how much that could hurt.

Maybe she had broached the topic too fast. She and Shelby hadn’t been close for very long, if they could be considered close at all, so maybe that was why Shelby had been so reactive. 

Toni was a little surprised that she was working through the situation so logically, but after getting away from the Goodkind property and the warm chicken coop and Shelby’s watchful eyes, a tight ball had risen into Toni’s chest. If she had to guess, Toni would say it was made of fear. 

That she had ruined her chances at paying back her debt to Shelby. That the cops were going to come after Shelby’s parents inevitably pressed charges. That she would be moved away, back into the foster system, away from the few people she cared about. And if she dug deeper into herself at all, past that tight ball in her chest and the fire in her stomach, somewhere within herself, she was afraid that Shelby wouldn’t want to see her again.

Still, that didn’t mean she wasn’t angry. The fire burned bright and hot and if she didn’t know any better, Toni would go right back to that fucking chicken coop and break all the eggs she could find. But she wouldn’t do that. She couldn’t. It was just an intrusive, impulsive thought. 

Just like those other thoughts Toni had been having recently. The ones that snuck up on her after a long day’s work at the farm, when she was clean and showered and laying in her bed in the dark. The ones that involved Shelby’s same old piercing eyes but heavier lidded. Pupils blown with something that felt like desire, a desire which matched Toni’s own. 

And she hated it, but once the thought appeared, it was hard to make it go away. Impossible, even. Until Toni reached a trembling hand down beneath the sheets, past the waistband of her sweats, and inside her panties to feel the wet slick down there. It always coated her fingers immediately, and Toni pretended to be surprised every time, like she hadn’t been thinking of this, dreaming of this for long days and longer nights. 

To ensure herself room for denial, Toni always made it quick (though she probably wouldn’t last longer if she tried), rubbing quick circles around her bundle of nerves, building herself up and up until she released a choked out cry into the palm of her other hand. And at that moment of release, images of Shelby’s fingers, long and dainty and always so  _ clean _ , intruded her mind, making her wish it was Shelby Shelby  _ Shelby _ getting her there instead of her own scarred hand. And of course, those eyes. Always those eyes. 

Fuck, even when Toni was angry, there was an undercurrent of something else when it came to Shelby. And fuck her for making Toni feel so exposed and frustrated and---

A knock sounded at the front door and Toni grumbled while running to get it, hoping it hadn’t woken her foster parents. 

When she reached the door, Toni put one hand on the knob and whispered sharply, “Who’s there?”

A moment, and then, quietly, “It’s me.” 

_ It’s me. It’s me _ . The familiarity in that was sweet. But Toni was still mad.

“What do you want, Shelby?” Toni asked through the door.

“Can you let me in? I just wanna talk.” Her tone gave nothing away apart from its gentleness. An olive branch. 

Toni sighed, “Just hold on a sec, I need to grab my coat. We can’t hang out in here.”

When she received a quiet  _ okay _ from Shelby, Toni ran back to her room on the balls of her feet, trying to be as quiet as possible, grabbed her coat, and made her way back to the door. She inhaled deeply through her nose, preparing herself for whatever may come and to catch her breath. 

Then, she stepped outside, running right into Shelby. “Shit, sorry,” Toni said, instinctively reaching her arms out to steady the other girl, ending up with her hands on either side of Shelby’s waist. 

Toni immediately dropped them of course, but her face burned, matching the heat that had ignited under Toni’s hands against Shelby’s body. “Um. Sorry. Again.”

Shelby swallowed hard, eyes catching Toni’s, but it was too dark out to read them. “It’s fine. I-I shouldn’t have been standin’ so close I guess.”

Cutting right to the chase, Toni sat down on the front step and Shelby followed suit. “What are you doing here, Shelby?”

“I guess I wanted to see that you were okay after I lashed out at you.”

“I’m fine.”

But Shelby just looked at Toni like she didn’t quite believe her. Like she knew it would take more than that to get back in Toni’s good graces. Like she knew Toni had been hurt before and needed something steadier than being met with fire just for trying to understand someone better. Like she knew Toni didn’t often feel like it was worth it to know someone so carefully. 

“In any case, I’m real sorry, Toni. You didn’t deserve that. At all. I-I guess I just got angry because I think you might be right in some way. The farm is kind of my safe place because most of the time, I’m the only one there.”

But that didn’t quite make sense. “What about your family?”

“I mean, they don’t really help with the farm stuff. I don’t know if you know this, but the farm is just mine.”

Toni must’ve looked confused because Shelby laughed softly and continued, “Like, the property is my dad’s obviously, but all the stuff having to do with the farm is mine. I saved up for each piece and got some of the parts as christmas and birthday gifts and stuff. My parents always wanted a big property but didn’t have anything to do on it, so when I asked if I could start a little farm, they weren’t opposed.”

Toni’s brow furrowed and she stared at her hands where they rested in her lap. “I thought the farm was, like, your family business?”

Shelby smiled and Toni could feel the brightness of it giving the two of them a bubble of light. “Nope. My parents have jobs. The farm is just a little project of mine.”

“Why?” And the question meant so many things that Toni didn’t know how to put into words.

“I mean, it gives me a space for myself. Course, I didn’t realize that at first so that wasn’t really the intention behind it.”

“What was the intention, then?”

Shelby sighed, leaning back on her hands. “It felt like repentance. I donate all the food I produce, and whatever profits I make off of wool and the like goes to local shelters. I needed a way to give back. To make up for my mistakes. My  _ sins _ .” She choked out the last word, like it pained her to say it.

And it pained Toni a little too. She had never heard such sincerity, so much heartache in a single word. Shelby truly believed she had done wrong and that she needed to make up for it. Toni couldn’t begin to imagine what it could be. 

Toni let out a whoosh of air, “Shelby, not that I know much about religion, but I’ve never seen you do anything that could be considered a sin.”

“You haven’t known me very long, Toni. And my daddy always says that sins can be thoughts. Just because I haven’t acted on some of my sins, doesn’t mean they aren’t there, waiting. Wanting.”

“Shelby…” It was the only thing Toni could think to say. Just a name. A prayer. 

“In any case,” Shelby pushed past the askance in Toni’s voice, “Maybe it’s a little selfish, but doing good or giving back or whatever makes me feel like I have a little leeway in the sin department.”

“Leeway? For what?” Toni asked, not seeing anything but the way Shelby smiled at the ground, not hearing anything but the slight tremble in her own voice. 

And Shelby looked right at Toni, then, right into her eyes. “To indulge my thoughts.”

The words hung in the air between them, no breeze coming through to whisk them away into the air, no other noises in the night to overshadow them. Plain and simple, Toni  _ wanted _ . So many things. To close the space between them and to show Shelby that no sin of theirs could truly be so, not when it would feel so good, not when it would heat up the cold dark of the town and of any mind numbed by ignorance. 

But she couldn’t. Toni may have been impulsive, but she knew that whatever was going on in Shelby’s head had to be on her own terms. 

So after softly asking Toni if she would come back to the farm the next day, asserting that Toni was  _ surprisingly good company _ with a wink (a fucking wink!), Shelby pulled away in her truck. Toni could hear the longing words of Dolly Parton from her speakers getting quieter and quieter as Shelby got further and further away. 

_ Jolene Jolene Jolene _

///

The next day was a Sunday, which meant Toni wasn’t to report for duty until noon, to give Shelby time to return home from church. The thing was, Toni had slept like a baby the night before. Sleeping deeply and soundly through the night, a rare occurrence for the girl.

As a result, Toni had woken up unusually early and could only pass the time for so long before getting too antsy to wait any longer, so by eleven o’clock, Toni was on the Goodkind property. And, deciding to be productive with her time, Toni got to work on some of the chores.

She fed the goats and sheep and cleaned their enclosure while they were busy eating, collected the eggs from the coop, and brushed Betsy and the other horse. When Toni was done and Shelby was still nowhere to be found, despite the fact that it was now noon, Toni got to work painting a second coat onto the outside of the stable, a job they had started the other day but had to let dry. There was just one wall left that needed another layer, so why not?

Painting was relaxing, Toni focusing only on the task at hand, decidedly not thinking about Shelby’s vague yet charged words from the night before. Did Shelby think about Toni, too? When she wasn’t around? Did Toni sneak into Shelby’s thoughts the way Shelby snuck into her own? Needy and vulnerable and wanting?

Toni couldn’t help but wonder if masturbating was one of those sins Shelby had been talking about. If it fell under the leeway category. What were the things that made Shelby ache and how did she make it go away? Maybe she was like Toni, sliding her hand down her body in the cover of darkness, when everyone else was asleep.

Maybe that was the only time Shelby gave into what she actually wanted for herself, instead of what everyone else wanted from her. Maybe she built herself up with those long fingers, rubbing the pads of her fingers against her clit, softly at first. So softly, just a barely there touch. Then, as the pull in her core grew stronger, did she speed up? Press a little harder, press  _ inside _ ? Oh  _ god _ , what did Shelby look like when she came?

The sound of tires pulling up the gravel drive blasted Toni out of her reverie, and she took deep breaths to refocus. Taking a glance up at the side of the stable, Toni realized she had finished painting the layer. Jeez. Time flies, huh?

Toni put paints away and went to meet Shelby up near the house where she had parked. Shelby was in a yellow, floral dress that seemed to light up in the sun, a warm glow being cast over the area. 

“Hey there,” Shelby said as Toni walked closer, “Sorry I’m late.” She was smiling from ear to ear, unfolding and calming before Toni’s very eyes. She seemed lighter, or something was different, but Toni couldn’t tell what it was. 

“No biggie. I, um, got started on some of the animal stuff. Or I guess I finished it. And I finished painting the stable, too. Guess I was excited to get going,” Toni said shyly.

Shelby squinted at her, smiling bigger still. “Huh. Well, I didn’t have anything else planned for us today. So you’re off the hook… Unless, maybe you wanna take a trip off campus today? Just hang out a bit?”

And maybe a few weeks ago, Toni would’ve spat back that she’d rather do anything else. But things were sort of different. She could feel it in the air between them. Nerve endings reaching out into the empty space, calling. 

“Sure, I could use a break,” Toni replied easily, not being able to help the smile that graced her lips.

When Shelby led both of them back to the stable after quickly running into the house to change into a pair of shorts and a yellow crochet top, Toni wasn’t quite sure what Shelby had in mind until the blonde girl began adorning Betsy with a saddle. Petting a horse was one thing but riding one? 

“Shelby, I’m thinking you already know this, but I don’t know how to ride a horse,” Toni joked.

Laughing, Shelby tugged on the saddle, making sure it was secure. “That’s okay, you’ll be with me.”

“I mean, still, I’m not gonna be able to control a horse, and I don’t know how much you’ll be able to help from another horse.” And she really wasn’t getting it. 

“Toni, I meant we’ll be riding together. On Betsy. Both of us.”

Oh.  _ Oh. _

“Is that okay with you?” Shelby asked.

Toni really appreciated that Shelby was double checking with her and wanted to make sure she was comfortable, but like, of course she was okay with it. More than okay with it. She just didn’t know how she would be able to fucking deal being pressed so close to the other girl.

“Yeah,” Toni said. “Yeah, good with me.” 

And with that Shelby guided Betsy out of the stable and once they were outside, she explained to Toni how to mount a horse. She actually said  _ mount _ . “You think you got it? Just put your hand there and kind of, like, throw yourself on top.”

Shelby needed to stop. Toni was losing her mind, and they hadn’t even really begun. Still, she somehow managed to get herself on the horse, if a little ungracefully, and scooted forward on the saddle per Shelby’s instruction.

A moment later, before Toni could prepare herself whatsoever (though she wasn’t sure how she would’ve, wasn’t sure anything could prepare her for this), Shelby put one foot into the stirrup and swung her long leg over so that she was straddling the horse behind Toni.

Shelby scooted forward so that her front was almost completely pressed up against Toni’s back.“This okay?” Shelby asked, breath tickling Toni’s ear. She was close, so fucking close. Toni was hot all over, desperately trying not to overthink the way Shelby’s body felt against her own.

Voice unsteady, Toni answered, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” 

“Alrighty, then,” Shelby drawled. “Let’s go.”

The ride through the woods at the edge of the Goodkind property was beautiful but Toni hardly took notice as they weaved through the trees, following a winding creek to their right. All she could focus on was Shelby. Her chest against Toni’s back. Her breath hitting the nape of Toni’s neck in puffs.

The girl’s golden arms, too, stretched around Toni to hold Betsy’s reins. It was blissful. It was torture. Both. Heaven and hell. 

“How you doin’?” Shelby asked. “It’s not too bumpy for you, is it?”

“No. No, I’m good.” And she was telling the truth. Despite any internal dilemma’s about how badly Toni wanted to kiss Shelby at any given moment, she was having fun. It felt like she was getting everything she had ever missed out on growing up, really. “So where are we headed? Or is it a secret?”

Shelby laughed next to Toni’s ear and she closed her eyes, desperately trying to remember every single inch of this. “If we follow this creek about a mile in it leads to a small lake. More of a pond I guess. I found it when I was younger.” Then, a little quieter, “I’ve never brought anyone here before.”

Jesus. Toni could feel how much it meant, in the way her body seemed to shift with the weight of the words. “I’m honored.” It was all she needed to say. 

About fifteen minutes later, they arrived at a little clearing where the creek opened up into a swimming hole. Shelby dropped down from Betsy first, and Toni missed the warmth instantly, but when Shelby offered her hand to help Toni down, all was well once more. 

Stupidly, because she was just looking at Shelby and then looking at the water and realizing what that meant, Toni said, “I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”

Shelby smiled, reassuring. “I didn’t expect you to. I usually just go in my underthings, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

“Underthings? That’s a new one for me.”

“Shut up.” And in an instant Shelby was unbuttoning her shorts and pulling them down her toned legs before pulling off her top, which revealed something pink and _ tight  _ and was that a fucking navel piercing? Toni looked away before she could be caught staring. If the small smirk peeking at the corner of Shelby’s lips was anything to go by, though, it might’ve been too late for that.

Toni followed suit, yanking her faded jeans down her legs, unsure if she should be embarrassed by the old boyshorts she was wearing underneath, but Shelby was decidedly not looking her way regardless, already beginning to wade into the water. 

Once Toni had her shirt off, she took a running leap and did a cannonball just a few feet from Shelby, splashing the parts of her that had not yet been submerged in the pond, and she could hear Shelby’s laugh from beneath the surface. The water was shockingly cold, but it was exactly what Toni needed to clear her head. Just clear enough to be coherent. To behave. 

Popping her head out of the water, Toni wiped some of the water from her eyes, still expecting Shelby to be at the edge of the swimming hole, but when she opened her eyes, the girl was right in front of her. The sun coming through the trees reflected off the surface of the pond, sending flashes of light over Shelby’s face and chest. She looked beautiful. 

“Hey,” Toni said.

“Hey.” Shelby smiled. 

It was that easy. And when nothing had ever really come easy before, especially people, Toni didn’t really know what to think of it all. So she just  _ existed _ there with Shelby, swimming around and splashing and laughing and living and it was so easy that Toni didn’t have to think at all. 

Shelby, too, seemed completely at ease, her smile never really leaving her face. Toni wondered if this was what Shelby looked like when she was free, when no one was watching. It made her happy to think that her own intense gaze didn’t make Shelby shrink down or hold herself in a particular way. This was just Shelby. They were just themselves. It was nice. And maybe that was too simple a word for it, but simple felt really good for a change. 

In the back of Toni’s mind, she realized she felt lighter as well, and had half a mind to think that perhaps the cold water had extinguished the fire she usually carried everywhere. The water. Yeah, that was it. 

Eventually, the girls pulled themselves onto a large, flat rock, warmed by the sun. They laid side by side, just a few inches between them. Toni could feel Shelby’s presence next to her, every fiber of her being resisting the urge to shift over to the left so that their skin could brush and quell the ache inside her. She had a feeling even that wouldn’t be enough. 

“You know,” Shelby started, “This is my favorite way to look at trees.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I like seeing how their branches fan out and overlap with the others. Like they’re reaching out for contact or like they want to be closer to each other or something.”

“I see that. It’s almost human, huh?” Toni replied absentmindedly, not stopping to think about whether or not that made any sense, but when Shelby hummed in response, Toni knew she didn’t have to worry about that type of thing. 

“And it feels like no one really looks at them like this. Or not often enough.”

Toni tilted her head, trying to take in another angle, and in the process the top of her head pressed against Shelby’s. When Shelby didn’t move away, Toni smiled. “I like seeing the sky peek through the branches, too. Like, usually they seem so distinct from one another, too far apart to ever touch, but from here, they’re connected.”

Shelby was quiet for a moment, seeming to take the words in, really listening, seeing, understanding. Again, it gave Toni that feeling of easiness. Like good things didn’t have to be so hard.

“I like that,” Shelby said. “I never thought about it like that before. But it makes a lot of sense. Heaven and earth, coming together. Closer than we think.” She paused, taking a deep breath and then, “I broke up with Andrew. That’s why I was late coming back from church.”

Oh. It was unexpected. There were a lot of things Toni wanted to ask, wanted to do, but she settled on, “Are you okay?”

“That’s the thing,” Shelby laughed. “I feel great. Like, better than I have in a long, long time. It felt so much easier than I thought, too. Like I was doing something right.”

Toni nudged her head against Shelby’s just a little. “That’s great, Shelby. I’m happy for you.” And she was, she really was. It shouldn’t be so difficult to do what’s right for you. Sometimes what felt good really was. 

Shelby lifted her hands, beginning to talk animatedly. “I just had this sort of revelation while sitting in church. The preacher was going on and on about how we need to live for God and how His only son gave his life for us, so we need to follow His path and all that. But it just felt  _ so wrong _ . I couldn’t stop thinking about how much of a disconnect there is between the God in my head and the god that gets preached to us.”

Toni turned her head to the side to watch Shelby speak. She was so full of light, Toni felt everything. 

Shelby continued, “Why would God put me here just for me to have no agency. I think He would want me to live for myself. To live my own life. Otherwise what’s the point? I can be good and be myself at the same time.”

It was too much for Toni to handle, especially when Shelby turned to meet her eyes. They were so close together, their noses almost brushing. Wordlessly, both girls turned onto their sides, moving closer, closer. 

Toni closed her eyes, unsure of what she might do, unsure of what was okay. A moment later, she felt a hand on her cheek, warm and reassuring.

“Toni?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s okay.” Shelby stroked her thumb just below Toni’s eye, soothing.

Toni opened her eyes, finding those bright green ones staring back. And whatever was in them, whatever that look meant, it lit Toni up, a signal fire, saving and warming instead of destructive.

“Can I kiss you?” Toni asked. Everything about Shelby seemed to invite it, but she still had to be sure. 

“Please,” was all Shelby said.

It was all Toni needed to close the distance between them and press their lips together softly, gentle at first, unmoving. Slowly, Toni brought her hand up to Shelby’s bare waist and felt goosebumps fan out across her warm skin in response. It was too much. It wasn’t nearly enough.

Toni pulled back, resting her forehead against Shelby’s and looking into her eyes again, just to check, to make sure she was still okay. When all she found was a heat reflecting her own, she leaned back in, taking Shelby’s bottom lip between both of her own.

And just like that, it was easy. Shelby opened her mouth against Toni’s, both of them breathing hotly, heavy, air not coming quick enough to soothe their appetites. Toni brushed her tongue against Shelby’s bottom lip and the girl took the gesture in kind, gently pushing back with her own.

It was teeth and tongue and sweet and slow all at once. Toni brought her hand to Shelby’s lower back, trying to pull her closer and closer still. It felt like a long time coming, it felt like enlightenment, heaven and earth colliding.

Shelby didn’t seem to need any direction, going with what felt good, doing what felt right. She slid the hand that had been cupping Toni’s cheek down onto Toni’s neck to her shoulder until it was resting on Toni’s ribs, just below the band of her sports bra. 

Toni moaned into Shelby’s mouth, desperate for more. Hungry and alive. She clutched at Shelby’s back, hoping her fingers weren’t pressing too hard but it only made Shelby whimper, giving Toni room to press her own tongue past Shelby’s full lips. 

Needing, wanting, Toni pulled at Shelby’s waist. Message received, Shelby sat up and pushed herself onto her hands and knees, throwing one of her legs over Toni’s body so that she was straddling the girl. Toni moaned, sliding her hands up Shelby’s body so her fingers could play over the material of her bra and pulled back just slightly to begin placing open mouthed kisses across Shelby’s cheek, along her jawline and then down onto her neck.

Shelby writhed above Toni at the gesture, letting out little moans every time wet tongue met hot skin. When Toni scraped her teeth against the taut skin of the side of Shelby’s neck, Shelby’s hips lurched, searching for friction against Toni and finding it against Toni’s lower stomach. It was so hot, Toni was being consumed whole, holding Shelby tighter in her arms to remain tethered to the mortal world. 

Shelby continued rubbing her center over Toni’s abs, and Toni did everything in her power to assist the girl, guiding her hips with her calloused hands. The blonde’s breath hitched with every stroke and if Toni focused, she could feel a wetness soaking through Shelby’s underwear, streaking across the skin of her stomach. 

“Toni,” Shelby begged. 

“It’s okay,” Toni repeated Shelby’s words from earlier into the taller girl’s ear. “I’m right here. I’m right here.” And it sounded like a prayer falling from her lips. A promise. 

It didn’t take long for Shelby’s movements to become a little more erratic, desperately moving over Toni, body aching for release. Toni could tell she was getting close, breath coming in pants against Toni’s face, who had pulled away from Shelby’s neck to watch the pleasure unfold on her face. 

As she got closer and closer, Toni brought one hand up from Shelby’s waist to the girl’s cheek, rubbing her thumb over the smooth skin. At some point, Shelby had closed her eyes but at Toni’s comforting touch, she opened them again. 

When their eyes found each other, Toni whispered reverently, “I got you, Shelby. I got you. Let go.”

And with that, Shelby came, arching against Toni’s body, riding out her high with little jerks of her hips. Toni took it all in with wide eyes, her gaze never leaving Shelby, a lovestruck smile gracing her lips. How could she be so lucky to witness something so beautiful? To see light in its purest form? 

After a few moments, Shelby’s body settled, her breathing slowed. Those green eyes flicked back and forth between Toni’s and Toni couldn’t exactly read what lay in their depths. It was something so intense and feeling and holy that Toni feared Shelby might run and realize Toni didn’t deserve this. 

Toni whispered, “Was that okay? Are you okay?” 

And Shelby just leaned down, pressing another soft, sweet kiss onto Toni’s lips. “I’m good.” She smiled at Toni, and Toni couldn’t help but smile back, all of her fears dissipating into the air. Shelby was good. They both were. 

Betsy neighed, shuffling in place where she had been tied up. Shelby laughed, “Maybe we should head back?” She phrased it like a question, giving Toni room to speak her mind, giving Toni room, it seemed, to pull Shelby back into her orbit and continue where they had left off.

But Toni was so content and comfortable that for the first time in her life, she didn’t mind taking it slow. Nothing had ever felt so good and simple, and she didn’t want to risk messing anything up. 

Toni smiled and kissed Shelby one more time, first on the lips, then on both cheeks, her chin, and lastly her forehead, inhaling the warmth that Shelby never seemed to run out of. “Okay, let’s go.”

The ride back felt quicker, though somehow even more charged than the way there had been. Once again, Shelby was pressed against Toni’s back, but this time, she had Toni hold the reins, explaining that Betsy knew the way and wouldn’t drift off course. This gave Shelby the freedom she needed to wrap her arms all the way around Toni, long fingers sometimes sneaking under her shirt to stroke over her stomach or drifting over her sides. It was sweet torture, but simultaneously, Toni felt held. 

Shelby took the reins back once they made it onto the Goodkind property and straightened up just slightly, though it wasn’t enough to make Toni feel any less warm. And she understood. She knew what this place was like. Of course, she understood.

Then, when they got within view of the house, Shelby pulled Betsy up short, stopping her in her tracks. Shelby’s father and mother were in front of their house, having what looked like a very serious conversation with another couple. They were too focused to notice Shelby and Toni, plus the girls were still a distance away. 

“Who is that?” Toni asked.

“It’s my aunt and uncle,” Shelby said, a tension creeping into her voice. “Hey, do you mind going to put Betsy away while I see what’s going on?”

Toni agreed, wanting nothing more than to comfort the other girl but knew this was neither the time nor place. The girls hopped off of the horse and Toni led Betsy back into the stable while Shelby ran up to her house.

While waiting, Toni stroked over Betsy’s snout, realizing that the horse seemed a little more on edge as well. “It’s okay, Bets. They aren’t gonna hurt you. I’m not gonna hurt you.” And the soft words paired with the comforting touch seemed to do the trick, at least a little. 

A few minutes later, Shelby came into the stable. Toni took her in, noticed the way she was holding herself more rigidly, back too straight, shoulders too tight. Toni took Shelby’s hand in her own and raised it to her lips, pressing a firm yet tender kiss to Shelby’s fingertips. “Are you okay?”

Shelby seemed to melt back to normal at the touch, shaking herself out of the headspace she got into around her family. “Yeah, it’s something about my cousin Eddie. My dad said he would fill me in later, but unfortunately I think you have to go. I’m real sorry.”

Toni smiled and found it wasn’t difficult. She just wanted Shelby to be okay. “Of course, and you don’t have to apologize. I understand.” She hoped Shelby understood just how much. “Text me later, let me know if you need anything,” and with one last squeeze to Shelby’s hand Toni turned to leave. 

Before she could make it to the door, however, Shelby grabbed her arm and spun her around before throwing her arms around Toni in a tight hug. Toni fell into it instantly, not being able to remember the last time she had been so close to someone other than Martha. Then, Shelby pulled back, pressed a quick kiss to Toni’s lips, and ran back to her house. 

And just like in the movies, Toni brought her fingertips to her lips, still feeling the contact of Shelby’s against her own, smiling. 

///

A few hours later, the sun having faded from the sky, Toni still hadn’t heard from Shelby. She was beginning to worry but rather than pester Shelby, she resigned herself to sending just one text, which read,  _ Hey, I’ll be around the rest of the night if you wanna talk _ . Figuring Shelby probably already had a lot on her plate if she wasn’t able to respond, Toni didn’t want to add to the stress in any way. So she waited. And tried not to be afraid that Shelby was regretting everything, regretting Toni. 

Toni kept herself busy by scrounging up some food to eat and then finishing the homework she had due the next day. One of the most important games of the season was coming, and Toni didn’t want to risk having any infractions that could possibly bench her. Especially because Coach had mentioned that scouts from several California colleges as well as a few from New York and Massachusetts were going to be attending. 

And she didn’t want to get her hopes up, but it sort of seemed to Toni that the pieces were starting to come together. In more ways than one. Again, her mind turned to Shelby, wondering if the girl had thought about her plans for the next year yet.

Of course, Toni had been let down too many times in the past for her to fully give into the idea that everything would just work out so smoothly, so she tried to keep her dreaming to a minimum. At least for now. But no matter what she and Marty were going to get out of here. A fresh start. 

Now, though, to some extent her ideas of a great escape seemed incomplete with just herself and Marty. Something was missing. Or someone. Toni knew it hadn’t been long, but she couldn’t stop thinking about how easy it felt to just  _ be _ with Shelby. How easy it was to fall for her. How no matter where they were, when she was with Shelby it sort of felt like…  _ Like home _ . 

As soon as the thought popped into her head, Toni tried to shake it out. It was too much, too risky. And too fuckin’ easy. Could the right thing, the good thing, really be so?

Maybe, Toni thought. She could only hope.

A minute later, Toni’s phone buzzed with a text. 

_ Shelby: Hi, sorry for the lack of warning, but I’m outside. _

In an instant, Toni raced to get her mom’s old coat from her bedroom before joining Shelby outside. When she opened the door, she found Shelby sitting down on the step, staring out into the night. There was a chill in the air, but as soon as Toni plopped down next to Shelby, it didn’t feel so bad.

“Hey,” Toni said. “I’m glad you’re here.”

And then Shelby turned to Toni, and her eyes were red-rimmed, shining with tears desperate to fall. She blinked hard, and a couple drops slid down her cheeks, following the angles of her face until they met the curve of her lips.

“Hey, hey,” Toni said, reaching up to hold Shelby’s face in her hands, catching the next tears that fell with her thumbs. “What’s wrong, Shelby?”

Shelby took a shaky breath, blinking to clear her eyes. “Um, apparently my aunt and uncle found out my cousin Eddie is gay. They caught him with another boy from his school, I guess. And they came over because my dad is setting them up with a place where they can send him. A Christian reform school.”

Toni’s mouth flattened into a hard line and her jaw clenched. She could see the pain in Shelby’s eyes. She could feel what this meant. “Conversion therapy?”

And Shelby just nodded, unable to speak, more tears slipping down her cheeks to be caught by Toni’s tender hands. Toni leaned in, bringing her forehead against Shelby’s. She wanted to convey so much through that simple touch. But mostly, above all, Toni was there for Shelby, and she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Shelby,” Toni said softly, “Can you tell me what you’re thinking?”

_ Does this change anything? _ Toni could hear the real question echoed back.

Shelby took another deep breath. “In a way, this just confirms what I already sort of knew. This is what would happen to me if my family found out.”

“So they can’t find out. They won’t.”

“Toni…” And there was something there, something that sounded like an apology. 

But Toni wasn’t going to accept that. “Shelby, listen to me. We’re not gonna let them find out. It’s gonna be okay,” And she was surprised to find that she believed it. Toni believed in them. “Really, we’re gonna be okay.”

“I  _ hate  _ them, Toni. How can I hate my own family? I don’t have it in me to forgive them. Not for this.”

Toni stroked over Shelby’s cheekbones with her thumbs. “You’re allowed to be angry, and you don’t have to forgive them. You don’t have to forgive them now or ever, the rules don’t apply for those people out there that are so full of hate they’d send away their own blood to fix something that can’t be changed. That doesn’t  _ need _ to be changed.”

Shelby nodded, and Toni wasn’t sure if she was agreeing or just trying to listen, but either option was better than nothing. “And what about us?” Shelby asked, voice beginning to calm. 

“Well, I can’t speak for you, but I’m not ready to lose you, Shelby. Not when we’ve just found each other,” Toni spoke the words clear and true.

Shelby closed her eyes. “Toni, I want to be with you loudly, publicly. The way it’s supposed to be. But we wouldn’t be able to, not right now. We would have to--to  _ hide _ . I don’t want to do that to you.”

Toni sighed and lifted Shelby’s chin so she was looking into her eyes. “Shelby, please listen to me. There is no  _ supposed to be _ . Not to me. Okay? Surviving and living and  _ trying _ and being together doesn’t mean hiding. I understand what’s at stake here, and it’s our last year anyway. We can make it through this. I just want you.” And despite everything, Toni smiled. Because it was true. Shelby was comfort and home and light, and besides that, the details didn’t matter so much. They could figure it out as they went.

“Toni,” Shelby whispered, bringing her hands up to hold Toni’s face before crashing their lips together. It was all-consuming, and Toni could feel everything in the pressure of Shelby’s lips against her own, every collision of atoms in the universe stopped with the force of their kiss. 

The girls touched each other, held each other, freely and without reserve, without hesitation. It said everything that needed to be said. Toni wasn’t one to use too many words anyway. 

They pulled back when the kiss became heated, stopping before something went down right there on the step. And both of them were too fragile in this moment to go very far anyway. They would have more chances, Toni knew it, and Shelby did too if the smile on her face and heated look in her eyes was anything to go by.

“Do you want to come in?” Toni asked. 

“Your foster parents wouldn’t mind?”

“Nah, they don’t really care about that type of thing,” Toni reassured, standing up and holding out her hand to pull Shelby to her feet. 

They made their way inside the house and into Toni’s small bedroom, lit only by the warm glow of her bedside lamp. “It’s not much,” Toni said, “But it’s lasted longer than the others.” 

Shelby picked her way around the room, looking at Toni’s basketball trophies and the few other personal belongings Toni had on display. Toni kept most of her important stuff in a bag in her closet, just in case, so the room didn’t feel like herself. It was just a room.

But with Shelby here, it felt different. The house was lighter and brighter and the draft that usually plagued her room didn’t seem as strong. Again, Toni was reminded of the feeling she got around Shelby, that it didn’t really matter where they were, as long as they were together. 

Shyly, the two girls got ready for bed, Shelby calling her parents to say she was spending the night at a friend’s house and then borrowing a pair of shorts and a shirt from Toni to sleep in. Toni took out the new toothbrush she had been keeping in her getaway bag and gave it to Shelby to use, figuring she wasn’t going to be using her  _ just in case _ . She didn’t need one. Not anymore.

At long last, Shelby and Toni slipped under the covers, fresh-faced and minty-mouthed. Toni wanted to tell Shelby all about her and Martha’s escape plan, to explain that there was room for one more, if Shelby wanted. But, when Shelby yawned, eyes watering with the very force of it, Toni knew it could wait until tomorrow. 

“Tired?” Toni asked.

Shelby laughed. “Yeah, a little bit, I guess.”

“Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

And Shelby just smiled back, snuggling in close, the two girls lying on their sides with their arms wrapped around each other, just like at the lake earlier that day. The lake felt like a long time ago somehow, but also inevitable, like if it happened at that exact moment, it would’ve happened at another time. Toni knew it, she was sure of it, simple as that. The same way she was sure Shelby would like her plans for the next year, somehow she just knew. And it helped that no location or college or anything was set in stone, so there was room to adjust if needed. 

All that mattered was that it would be away from here, somewhere they could be safe. Anywhere was good with Shelby. 

Warm and comfortable and close, Toni and Shelby fell asleep holding each other, and it was so, so easy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there it is! i hope you all liked it and as always pls let me know what you thought in the comments! 
> 
> also, if you'd like, drop your ideas for more shoni AUs, i'd love to hear them. currently im working on a high school reunion fic, so keep an eye out for that!
> 
> thanks for reading kids mwah

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what u liked! next chapter will be posted tomorrow or the next day (but again, its already finished)
> 
> this is my new comfort show comfort characters comfort ship so ive got a couple more ideas for AUs that im gonna do! stay tuned girls and gays


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